I think i peed on brittanys purse
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
