I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
