Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
