I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
