From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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