you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just want nice things and good sex
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
