i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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