He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
