what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
