Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
