it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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