Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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