I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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