I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
