I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
