well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
