her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize