What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
