is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize