Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
