Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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