Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
