I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
