Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
