Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
