The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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