those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
