morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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