this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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