i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize