how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
