He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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