i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
