i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
