She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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