my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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