My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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