Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
