Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
