i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
