That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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