I'm lost and stupid without you.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize