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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
