i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
