Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
