Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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