so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
