The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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