dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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