He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
