I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize