i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Who died my cat blue again?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
