OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
