I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
