Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
