He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Randomize
