I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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