He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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