Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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