Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize