woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
