put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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