When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
