So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
