I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
