Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
