I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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