I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize