Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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