spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
