Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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