watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
this will be a night to untag.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
