I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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