What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
