I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
