Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
did i walk over a car last night?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
