Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize