I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
