I accidentally had phone sex last night
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
