We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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