Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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