i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
