hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize