he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
