Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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