If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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