I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
