i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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