once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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