Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
