my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
