You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
