We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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