Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
