He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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