remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize