Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
