New invention idea: vibrating tampons
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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