those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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