and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
