I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
