so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
