yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
