I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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