Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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