Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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