All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
