There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
