dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
