What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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