Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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