That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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